ronirvine's Xanga

living the questions

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 08:05:48 GMT

The older I get, the less I seem to know anything for sure. When I was young, it was easy to cast judgment on others, their beliefs, their actions, their lifestyles. Youth is so full of certitude and opinions. The older I get, the more I realize how much I don’t know. Isn’t the purpose of learning, of education, so that I can know things? Or is it so that I can open my mind to all there is to learn, to all there is that I don’t know? Especially when it comes to understanding something so complex as a human being; myself, my motivations and desires, my heart, my mind, my soul?

Maybe the questions really are the answers. By questioning, we are facing our fears, doubts, and pain. That means we are on the right path; we are going through it. Going through it (instead of ignoring it, avoiding it, or running from it) is the only way to learn the wisdom that fear, doubt, and pain have to teach us. Questioning keeps us open. Openness allows us to learn.

People that have the answers may not be facing the storms in their own lives . . . may not be facing themselves . . . may not be facing reality . . .

Having the answer allows us to turn away, convinced that all is resolved.
Having the answer makes us believe that we know.
If we know, then there is no longer a reason to learn.
Having the answer stops learning.
Having the answer puts us in a position
above others,
greater than others,
better than others,
wiser than others,
more intelligent than others.

How is it that we are in a position to tell another’s truth to them?
How is it that we, not God, become the ones to reveal purpose and meaning for another? Quite absurd, really.

Considering
the puniness of the human mind,
the sliver of human knowledge,
the tiny grains of wisdom,
. . . our answers are dust in the wind.

Considering
the vastness of the universe,
the billions of galaxies,
the infinity of God,
the eternity of time,
the complexity of our puny minds,
. . . we think we know?
We think we have the answers?
We have become quick to speak and slow to listen (i.e. slow to learn);
. . . and we think we know?

In a life of mystery where we can't see the future,
we can run and hide,
turn away,
ignore and deny,
or face and befriend the darkness . . . the uncertainty . . . the questions.

This is not easy though. Certainty is much more comfortable. Comfort is hard to let go of. The idols of Certainty and Comfort are powerful gods. It is easier to run and hide, to turn away, to ignore and deny . . .

Questions acknowledge the darkness; a sort of wrestling with God, like the story of Jacob in the Bible. They acknowledge the reality of the obscurity of the truth . . . the mystery of God. “For now we see through a glass, darkly” (1 Cor. 13: 12)

Living the questions is the best answer we get.

Faith is not getting answers; it is asking and living the questions.
Not less painful, but more authentic.
Not based on the opinions in our minds,
But on the assurance in our hearts through faith, hope, and love.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1).

“By faith Abraham, . . . went even though he did not know where he was going.” (Hebrews 11:8)

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers. . . . Live the questions now.” (Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet)

There's roads and there's roads
And they call, can't you hear it?
Roads of the earth
And roads of the spirit
The best roads of all
Are the ones that aren't certain
One of those is where you'll find me
Till they drop the big curtain
(Bruce Cockburn, Child of the Wind)

opinionation

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 01:51:28 GMT

"Each of us creates a picture of our world by connecting a dozen or so of the trillions of dots that would need to be connected to make a 'true' portrait of the universe." -- Sam Keen

People that have the answers may not be facing reality in their own lives. Having an answer allows us to turn away from ourselves, put on a façade, and walk away convinced that all is resolved. Certainty is a comfortable thing; sort of a god to many people. But considering the puniness of the human mind, the sliver of human knowledge, the tiny grains of wisdom, our answers are dust in the wind. Considering the vastness of the universe, the billions of galaxies, the infinity of God, the eternity of time, the complexity of our puny minds . . . and we think we know? We think we have the answers? We are quick to speak and slow to listen (slow to learn). And we think we know? Not only know, but know for sure???

“As of 10 December 2009, the Earth's population is estimated by the United States Census Bureau to be 6,802,000,000.” That means that for every situation, event, action, or idea there are at least 6.8 billion different perspectives concerning it. No two people see anything exactly the same . . . by design. Since there are 6.8 billion people in this world, this means that one human being has .0000000147% of the brain power in this world, a world that is less than a grain of sand on the beach of our galaxy.

And consider this: “There are probably more than 100 billion galaxies in the observable universe.” (Wikipedia)

“Typical galaxies range from dwarfs with as few as ten million stars up to giants with one trillion.” (Wikipedia)

“The stellar disk of the Milky Way Galaxy is approximately 100,000 light-years in diameter, and is considered to be, on average, about 1,000 light-years thick. (One light-year equals 5,878,630,000,000 miles) It is estimated to contain at least 200 billion stars and possibly up to 400 billion stars, the exact figure depending on the number of very low-mass stars, which is highly uncertain. This can be compared to the one trillion stars of the neighboring Andromeda Galaxy.” (Wikipedia)

And we think we know? And know for sure??? Who do we think we are? All smart and brilliant . . .

“It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you in trouble; it’s what you know for sure that ain’t so.” – Mark Twain

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.” - Bertrand Russell

“There is more faith in honest doubt than in all your Creeds” – A. L. Tennyson

redefining and recreating "home"

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 02:32:40 GMT

“Something about your voice. Something about your eyes. I don’t feel so lost. I don’t have to hide.” (from the song “Eternity” by Lizz Wright). At a point of real turmoil in life, I’ve been struggling with redefining and recreating “home”. Somehow Lizz has hit upon something that resonates with me about “home”.

Maybe it is not so much something one seeks as something one gives.

Maybe it is not “place” as much as “space” that is intentionally created where it is needed… at just the right time and in just the right way creating acceptance, understanding, significance, and love unconditioned with expectations, obligations, and demands.

I know I’m a stranger in a strange land (it doesn’t get much stranger than earth, than humankind).

I know NOTHING is permanent.

So maybe that “home” of my childhood that seemed so permanent can no longer be a “place”. Maybe the “home” of my life now must become the “space” I create around me wherever I am, wherever I go, whenever I’m around people that need a “space” of acceptance, understanding, and signification.

A space where those that feel invisible will be seen.

A space where those that feel insignificant with find significance.

A space where those that feel misunderstood will find understanding.

A space where those that feel unacceptable will find acceptance.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

St. Francis of Assissi

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We are all longing to go home
to some place we have never been
— a place, half-remembered, and half-envisioned
we can only catch glimpses of
from time to time.
Community.

Somewhere,
there are people to whom we can speak
without having the words catch in our throats.

Somewhere
a circle of hands will open to receive us,
eyes will light up as we enter,
voices will celebrate with us
whenever we come into our own power.

Community means
strength that joins our strength
to do the work that needs to be done.
Arms to hold us when we falter.
A circle of healing.
A circle of friends.

Someplace where
we can be free.

- Starhawk

Can you hear me? Can you see me?

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 05:22:13 GMT

“I’ve wanted to be a writer for 33 years. Now my dreams are coming true!”

Deb, a beautiful, eccentric lady that has depended on the service system for people with disabilities most of her life, has finally found a voice. Or wait! She has had a voice through writing and advocating for her passion for 33 years! She has finally found an ear. Traci listens to her. Traci hears her. Now they are in a writers group for local authors at a local church. Traci said to me the other day, “You know, I don’t think the group has a clue where we are from and even that Deb has a disability. She is just beautiful, eccentric Deb with her hair full of stunningly bright colors and an outstanding passion for stories; especially scary ones about sharks.

Can you hear me? Can you see me?

Richard, a man I met on the streets of downtown Grand Rapids, had an emptiness in his eyes that I could no longer turn away from. In spite of the impulse to look away, I looked at him. Through his surprise, we started a conversation. Four sentences into the conversation, his eyes went blank, the light of connection disappeared, and he walked away mid sentence. I kept trying, every week. Four sentences turned into eight, then twelve, then 15-20 minutes. Drugs had taken the light in his soul, but it was coming back. He had disappeared, voicelessly wandering the streets in search . . . of nothing. He didn’t know what he was looking for except that this life didn’t hold it. He was biding time, wondering, wandering, lost in a sea of people. Six months later, rehabilitation had given him the ability to stop his habit, but he needed an opportunity. He needed a home. Society said, “Sorry, opportunities are not available if you do not exist, if you are invisible, if you have no voice.” He moved in with myself and five other college buddies of mine. He got a paper route . . . and kept it for a year. Then he got a job at a factory and got a place of his own. Now he is married with kids. He has been married for 25 years . . . my marriage lasted four years . . .

Can you hear me? Can you see me?

Ubuntu is a South African word that speaks to the very essence of being human. What is this human thing? What is the core of our existence? Who are we and why are we here?

Rev. Desmond Tutu is fond of quoting the word, he says: “Ubuntu is to say my humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in yours. A person is a person through other persons. I am human because I belong. I partipate, I share. I am available, open and affirming of others. A person with Ubuntu does not feel threatened that others are able, are good, they are self assured knowing that they belong in a greater whole”

Out of the spirit of Ubuntu comes a simple but powerful greeting:

“‘Sawubona’ literally means ‘I see you’. In the Zulu community, if you just walk past someone without greeting them properly, regardless of whether you know them or not, it is considered very offensive because what you are actually communicating to them is that they do not exist in your eyes, or that they don’t matter enough to bother greeting them. So in the Zulu community, you can count on always being greeted.

“The response ‘Ngikhona’ means ‘I am here’ , ‘I am validated’, ‘I matter’.

It reminds me of a quote that I love by Philip Toshio Sudo, ‘Speak directly from your heart to the heart of your listener, as if passing the flame of a candle.’”

(Sawubona – What Can We Learn? By Brian Watts

http://www.connectedincommunity.com/connecting-with-others/sawubona)

Ron is an ordinary guy, cruising along in life, quite middle class, quite nomal, quite successful (in a non-profit sort of way), quite a meaningful career, quite the American dream. Oops, what happened? In the spring of 2008, divorce . . . finalized; job . . . downsized; house . . . foreclosed; depression . . . relentless. Invisible? . . . totally. Voiceless? . . . nobody could hear such depth of pain. Everybody wanted to hear him say “Fine”, when asked “How are you?” That’s all they wanted to hear. It is uncomfortable to listen deeply because then you have to do something with the pain you are hearing. All you can do is take it into your heart, shut up, and feel it with the other person. One by one, he found friends that were willing to do this; Maggie, Tonya, Kay, Diane, Chris, Shawn. He felt seen; little by little. He felt heard; little by little. Life started to have meaning again. They may not fully see it, but he hopes they hear this: his friends kept him alive . . . by hearing and seeing him.

Can you hear me? Can you see me?

Jeff is a young, light-hearted, quick-witted man that happens to be deaf. He received services in a system that could not speak his language, sign language. He was kicked out of one program because he “acted out” his frustration. He built a track record of violence toward care givers because of his frustration of not being heard. In the program he is in now, he kept signing this one particular sign. Frustration was building . . . again. Tonya listened. Tonya saw Jeff. Tonya wanted to hear him more, so she began studying sign language. Tonya found out that the sign he kept using meant “stupid”. When staff could not hear him, he kept saying, “stupid”. Seems appropriate to me. When Tonya acknowledged that she heard him and believed him, understood him, he opened up. He could breathe. He was heard. She brought him to “deaf night” at Rivertown Crossings Mall, a gathering of other people that are deaf. Jeff lit up. THEY could hear him too!!! He didn’t want to leave. Because of Tonya, we SEE Jeff, we HEAR Jeff. And what a delight he is.

Can you hear me? Can you see me?

The essence of humanity is human connection:

Clearing the clutter to SEE the invisible in a world of neon lights, glitz, and bling.

Silencing the clamor to HEAR the quiet voices in a world so full of noise.

Halting the frenzy to SEE, and HEAR . . . myself.

This is the essence of being human: Ubuntu

In the stories, Ron is me. Richard is my friend of 25 years ago that I will never forget. Jeff and Deb are participants in an initiative at Hope Network that we call Make a Difference. We are learning from each other. We are learning to SEE each other. We are learning to HEAR each other at a deeper level than ever before. Leadership at Hope Network is SEEING and HEARING front line staff. The whole organization is SEEING and HEARING program participants like never before. Our services are becoming human. It is not just about tasks, it is about relationships and friendships, interests and dreams. It is about dreams coming true. Most of all, it is about finding meaning in life.

“I used to just walk by things and just keep going. Now I stop and notice; both the good AND the bad.” (Walt, a Hope Network staff of 30 years)

“Everybody is half-dead. Everybody avoids everybody, all over the place, in most situations, most all the time. I know; I’m one of those ‘everybodys.’ And, to me, it’s terrible. And so all I’m trying to do, all the time, is just open people up so they…let themselves be open to somebody else. That is all. That’s it.” (Nina Simone, singer / song-writer)

Sawubona, I see you

permanency

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 02:43:42 GMT

We build our lives around permanency. Retirement savings is assumed to be permanent security. Homes and families are built on the human construct of permanency. Careers, income, and possessions . . . all create a sense of permanency.

I wonder why that is? We know that nothing is permanent. We trick ourselves into believing that stuff is permanent. But down deep we know it is not. We’ve seen it.

Everywhere, everything is dying. Flowers, grass, people, skin ... everything is dying and making way for new life. New life is only possible if things are in constant flux, constantly changing, dying. New creation and new life come from chaos and death. This is the way the world is designed.

Yet I cling to things sooo tightly, determined that if I hold tight, I can keep it. And if I can keep it, then it will be mine. Mine forever.

So I design my life in such a way that I cling … to people, to possessions, to career; convincing myself that it is the clinging, the grasping, the holding on that gives life and permanency, comfort and security, personal peace and affluence.

If I can just carve my own little place in this world, then everything will be OK …

as the world slips away.

I know that no matter how hard I hold on, things slip away … things most dear …

If I see clearly, I know that there is nothing on this earth that is mine. Absolutely nothing. I know that there is nothing I can keep forever.

Who am I to think I can own a piece of creation? And even if I could, it all turns to dust eventually. Then what has all of my clinging given me? … but dust. The taste of dirt in my mouth.

But we are Americans and we know the American Way.

We buy a façade and create the illusion of permanency.

We create a beautiful space in a beautiful woods …

We build a personal paradise in the suburbs …

We build another beautiful get-away in a warm climate or by a lake because we know surely that will make us happy.

Of maybe that new car will make us happy or that new wardrobe or that new computer or … or … or …

OK. Let’s step back a minute.

Permanency is an illusion.

So happiness cannot come from permanency.

Comfort cannot come from permanency.

Security cannot come from permanency.

Meaning cannot come from permanency.

Permanency is a lie we have been force-fed by this world since birth.

So what are we doing?

How then shall we live?

What are we left with . . . that is real???

We are given a gift each new day that is real.

We are given this moment, right now . . . that’s all that is real.

Tomorrow . . . my family may be gone.

Tomorrow . . . my home may be gone.

Tomorrow . . . my job may be gone.

Tomorrow . . . my mental stability may be gone.

Tomorrow . . . my financial stability may be gone.

Tomorrow . . . my health may be gone.

Tomorrow . . . my life may be gone . . .

But what I do have is what I am given anew each moment.

I have this present moment.

But what can I do with that???

Actually, this moment is the only thing I can do anything with.

The past is gone. The future is not here.

So I must learn to be present, fully present, in each and every moment of my life.

I must be fully present with each and every person with whom I interact.

I must be fully present with each and every decision I make.

I must be fully present with each and every task I do.

The present moment is with me all the time.

My whole life is determined in the present moment.

Everything happens in the present moment.

That is the ETERNAL NOW.

Within the ETERNAL NOW lies permanency.

This is where I am grounded.

This is where I root myself into the ground of my being, the Ground of all Being.

This is when, how, and where I connect to my Source.

This is where I meet my God.

This is where love flows from its Source into every action, interaction, and reaction.

Leadership Development: the roots of change

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 03:45:12 GMT

Leadership Development: the roots of change

The first step in change, for an individual, an organization, or a community is changing deeply held beliefs about change.
Is it possible to change?
Do I have the ability to change?
Do I have the will to change?

And our questions about change have to change;
From “When is change coming?” or “Where can I look to find change?”
To “Change begins with me. How can I make this happen?”

Change requires a paradigm shift from consumer to contributor, from taker to giver, from sitting back and waiting to leaning forward, ready to take action.

Change is not something that happens to me, change is something we do.

No authentic change comes from without.
Change is real only if it comes from within.

Lasting change begins in our hearts. Then we act authentically from our hearts; from our values and beliefs, from our character. Authenticity compels people to sit up and take notice.

“General H. Norman Schwarzkopf defines leadership as ‘a potent combination of strategy and character, but if you have to be without one, be without the strategy’. Character is the critical link between strategy and execution. The character of the leader is what engenders belief, not clever ideas and fancy rhetoric. The character of the brand is what engenders customer loyalty, not clever advertising. People aren’t stupid. They quickly discern what is authentic from what appears to be empty propaganda. People (customers, voters, employees, shareholders) discern character by sensing ‘intention’.”
Brian Bacon: Leadership in Times of Crisis

Change requires leadership throughout an organization or community. "Anytime the actions of a person are moving others forward in life, this is leadership."

Leadership must come from the front, from the side, from the back, from the bottom, and from the top of organizations or communities. First you must become the change you want to see. Live it authentically, in everything you do. Then there will be no question of how to lead. Simply be, then act. Be yourself. Then do what you know is the right thing to do.

The Path of Leadership from the heart

“Today, everyday leadership practices focus primarily on what is visible.” What is necessary now “is to develop a deeper level of knowing, a deeper level of awareness. This will enhance both decision-making and creativity.” “The process of becoming aware, is punctuated by three specific ‘gestures’ or inflection points. Each gesture or inflection point shifts the structure of attention from one level of emergence to another: “From (1) ‘suspension’—overcoming habitual patterns; “To (2) ‘redirection’—turning one’s attention from the object to its source; and “To (3) ‘letting go’—changing one’s quality of attention from looking for something to letting it come.”
A Dialogue on Leadership: Illuminating the Blind Spot (p. 9)
DIALOGUE ON LEADERSHIP.pdf

The Art of Leadership from the back and from the front

“Leadership requires more than skills and business acumen, great leadership is an art form that requires qualities that signal a capacity for relational and intuitive processes. “Presence, compassion, integrity and inquiry are qualities that enhance leadership in today’s fast moving, complex world of organization.
“Presence is the embodied capacity for expansion, the ability to extend energy that carries the context and meaning of the organization and what it stands for in a global perspective.
“Compassion is the authentic awareness that our lives are interconnected and the embodied message - ‘we are all in this together’.
“Integrity is manifested through transparency and provides a basis for credibility and accessibility.
“Inquiry is the ability to tolerate uncertainty as an arena of possibility and innovation.
Wendy Palmer: Somatic Intelligence—the Art of Leadership

The Greatest Challenge of Leadership: Self-Deception

The most challenging part of becoming aware of our actions is to recognize one of personalities favorite strategies, self-deception. For a leader, the capacity to be aware of a survival energy pattern emerging creates transparency and a choice point. She can choose to make a shift in energy. Self-deception shows up as an impulse to control others and the outcome without taking one’s own behavior into account. Remember, the personality references on (defers to) control, approval and safety. Rather than looking inward to become aware of how we are participating in a difficult situation the personality looks out at other people and sees how they need to adjust their behavior. A leader who is willing to acknowledge this and make a shift in her energy pattern brings a combination of humanity and centeredness to the challenges of attending to the immediate details of the moment within a sense of the larger context of past, present and future.
Wendy Palmer: Somatic Intelligence—the Art of Leadership

Authentic Leadership in Action

“Authentic Leadership in Action is a transformational journey of learning, growth, and skill-building that leads to the profound renewal of our organizations and communities.

“What exactly is authentic leadership and where does it come from? Although it may be hard to define, most of us know it when we see it. We recognize it in personal examples, whether it is an historical figure, our minister, our CEO, a neighborhood grandmother, or a politician who is truly inspiring. And we recognize it in our own best moments. When we are authentically present and true to our own internal compass, we are able to bring out the best in others. We are able to communicate without pretense and manipulation because we are not hiding behind ego or driven by fear. We are confident because we trust in the natural intelligence and goodness in ourselves and others. Seeing clearly what is and what could be, we are able to act decisively and effectively.

“In today's world, authentic leadership is like a breath of fresh air. And it is needed everywhere. We are all being called to rise to this challenge, whatever our position or domain of work.”
ALIA Institute

Consumer or Contributor: leadership in an age of consumption

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 03:01:52 GMT

We all find meaning in life in the same way: finding something we have to offer and giving it to others; finding something we are good at and doing it. When we see that we have made a difference by what we do, then, and only then, do we find meaning in life.

In the industrial age, based on mass consumption and convenience,
• We designed schools so that students just had to “sit and git”, pass a test, and then they were dubbed “successful”. So they dropped out in huge numbers. There was no meaning for them in education.
• We designed churches so that people have to join and then they could receive what it had to offer them. The worship celebration became a “service” to its members. The members heard it loud and clear, and came to the “sit and git” meeting to “receive” the “blessing” and feel good for the rest of the week. "Recharge their batteries?" Like a machine?
• We designed “services” to people with disabilities so that they would come to us as “consumers”. We actually call them that!!! “Consumers”. Then the professional tell them what to do and how to be safe. It is a good way to warehouse people, while isolating them from finding meaning in their lives.

In these contexts, designed after systems of consumption, people cannot find meaning in life.

Until we move (personally, spiritually, and professionally) from being consumers to being contributors, we will see people “dropping out” of society in mass numbers; in particular those that are seeking a meaningful life.

This morning at Oakdale Park Church, the pastor began his sermon describing the need for the paradigm shift from consumer to contributor. This was a topic that really stood out to him at a conference in creating an inclusive environment in churches that he participated in at Hope Network this past week lead by Cindy Holtrop, a member of the Make a Difference Learning Circle.

He specifically applied this concept to church members and the importance of creating a giving community. But he was struggling to integrate the concept of “leadership” into this though. Below is my email to him describing what I have learned:

I loved your sermon today, Pastor Bill. It resonated very deeply. The change from "consumer" to "contributor" is a huge paradigm shift in this consumer society based on mass consumption and convenience. No matter what area of life we look at, this is the fundamental shift that needs to happen.

I coordinated a county-wide program for youth with disabilities a few years ago. This program was designed around extensive research on what actually improves the outcomes for at-risk youth and youth with disabilities. THE PRIMARY FOCUS WAS DEVELOPING YOUTH LEADERSHIP.

The concept of leadership is something that I've struggled to understand for about 8 years now. But now I see it as simply another way of saying "contributor". In order for anyone to be a leader, personal leadership must come first. I would describe it to youth and teachers like this:

Scenario One: A student "sits back" at school, slumped back in his chair asking, "what are you going to teach ME today???" while board and yawning.
Scenario Two: A student "sits forward", listening intently because something resonates with his life. In "leaning forward" his posture and his voice asks the question, "WHAT DO I DO NOW?"

Leadership is pictured in Scenario Two. This describes in a very simply way the paradigm shift between consumer and contributor. Nobody has ever made a real difference in life by sitting back and waiting for others to serve them. Neither have they found meaning in life by waiting for it to be given to them.
Meaning comes from within.
Meaning comes through contribution.
Meaning comes through giving.

Leadership starts with personal leadership, taking charge and initiative in one's life and then moving forward to make a difference. Other words that describe this is self-determination and advocacy. Leadership can be from the front, from the side, or from the back; from the bottom or from the top of any organization or community. Anytime the actions of a person is moving others forward in life, this is leadership.

This is a concept that should be the core of all teaching in schools, churches, non-profits; in all communities.

Culture change begins with language change!!! We must be careful to use words very intentionally, because our words and actions create our world.

And I guarantee that organizations, whether churches, non-profits, or schools, that take the lead in creating this culture change, this paradigm shift, will take the lead in their communities; demonstrating a tangible increase in moving people toward meaningful lives in community.

“A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”
John C. Maxwell

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”
John Quincy Adams

“Leadership is action, not position.”
Donald H. McGannon

“Leadership is the challenge to be something more than average.”
Jim Rohn

“Nothing so conclusively proves a man's ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself.”
Thomas J. Watson, Sr.

“A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not.”

gentleness

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 13:27:27 GMT

“‘Love doesn't mean doing extraordinary or heroic things. It means knowing how to do ordinary things with tenderness.’ Tenderness and gentleness characterize the life and work of Jean Vanier as well as L'Arche movement. Vanier observes that ‘community is made of the gentle concern that people show each other every day. It is made up of the small gestures, of services and sacrifices which say 'I love you' and I am happy to be with you.' It is letting the other go in front of you, not trying to prove that you are in the right in a discussion; it is taking the small burdens from the other.’" (The Politics of Gentleness)

Gentleness in our culture is infused with the idea of weakness. Aggressiveness is what makes a person “successful” in America. It never occurred to me that gentleness goes hand in hand with strength.

The human spirit is full of seeming contradictions. What we do with these contradictions define who we are. Some people see the world in black and white and seem to have no choice but to embrace one side of themselves and disregard anything contradictory. But why nullify a part of ourselves just because it doesn’t seem to make sense? This is very difficult with Western thought that is always striving to compartmentalize, separate, categorize, and label things. Eastern thinking tends to embrace contradictions, recognizing the mystery of the human spirit, and reconciling and integrating apparent contradictions into a life of paradox.

In the book, Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior, warriorship is taught as a way of life. A warrior lives a life of fearlessness only if the person lives a life that is fully aware and fully present. The characteristic at the core of warriorship is gentleness; which comes from tenderness.

“Real fearlessness is the product of tenderness. It comes from letting the world (touch) your heart, your raw and beautiful heart. You are willing to open up, without resistance or shyness, and face the world. You are willing to share your heart with others.”

“In the Shambhala tradition, discovering fearlessness comes from working with the softness of the human heart.” “When a human being first gives birth to the tender heart of warriorship… You no longer need to feel shy or embarrassed about being gentle. In fact, your softness begins to become passionate. You would like to extend yourself to others and communicate with them. When tenderness evolves in that direction, then you can truly appreciate the world around you. Sense perceptions become very interesting things. You are so tender and open already that you cannot help opening yourself to what takes place all around you ... You begin to feel comfortable being a gentle and decent person.”

Gentleness is a part of the human experience that seems to have gotten lost in America’s individualistic, materialistic, success-driven culture. The good news is that gentleness and tenderness is there, embedded in the heart of every human being. And with the intentional work of nurturing the self, we can each become integrated and whole, embracing apparent contradictions, living the paradox inherent in humanity.

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:23

Let your gentleness be evident to all. Philippians 4:5

Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12

Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 1Timothy 6:11

a true friend

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 02:18:25 GMT

Tribute to Buddy

Last night my dog Buddy passed away after become tremendously ill over the weekend. He was only 5 years old and had been very healthy so it was very unexpected. And it is not until after he is gone that I’ve realized how perfect the name my daughter Myka gave him truly was.

I was blind-sided by emotions . . . I didn’t think I was all that attached. I guess I was. It took a long, long time to stop crying. It is interesting, the things that expose my vulnerability . . . my fragility. So if I am to live an authentic life, I must face my vulnerability and fragility, embrace it, and learn from it.

What was it about Buddy that I can learn? First of all there was his loyalty. He was there by my side for the past four years through depression, divorce, loss of my kids (to half-time, joint custody), foreclosure of my home, loss of job; everything I went through he was by my side, felt my pain, and gave me comfort right on time, right when I needed it. He sat quietly observing me and then stepped up at the time that I needed a bit of touch. Consistency was another trait I need to learn from him. There was NEVER a question of how I was going to be greeted. He was ALWAYS delighted to see me, unconditionally welcoming me into our home. He had a presence I could feel. I felt it very distinctly last night on the way home as I thought of coming through the front door, even though he wasn’t here anymore. I felt it throughout the house. His presence was open and accepting of anything that I did or said. No matter what, I was OK in his book. Just because I am me.

Over the last 6 months, the connection between us deepened. Daily, I would catch him staring at me. He would stare until I looked back into his eyes. Our eyes would lock together affectionately. Actually, his affectionate gaze would just pull me in. When he did that it was more than just looking at each other. It was looking into each other. It was a heart connection. Don’t tell me animals don’t have souls . . . We consistently met, soul to soul. His gaze asked for nothing in return. It didn’t even demand a return gaze, although it often pulled me in. It was simply Buddy giving me his full and deep attention . . . he was fully present with me. Words are irrelevant and shallow where hearts meet.

On his death bed, he often looked past the kids and their mom to me. As I moved around the room, he would follow. Asking nothing. It wasn’t a look of “help me” or “save me”. It was a look of total presence. Of drawing in the best of life in the last minutes of his life by that connection he made to my heart through his eyes. To him, that is all life really was. It was those moments of connection . . . of presence . . . of connecting heart to heart, soul to soul.

It seems to me that Buddy lived the true essence of life. What else is there but our connection to those that we love? What else is there? Outside of that, there is absolutely nothing.

Truth comes from anywhere and everywhere if we are open to learning from life.

My greatest desire in life is to simplify my life to these basic things that Buddy taught me life is all about. I want to learn to be the “buddy” that Buddy was . . . to my kids . . . to my friends . . . to my family . . . to anyone that I am privileged to connect with each and every day of my life for the rest of my life.

This is my prayer.

Now, this is my question.

Why did he have to die for me to see, truly see, these things he had to teach me??? What else in my life do I not see? What else will require a disruptive event for me to see? Or can I learn to live life with open eyes, an open heart, an open mind, an open will, so that I do not miss the very essence of life?

no longer immune

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 00:18:41 GMT

What has happened to the barrier?

What has happened to the cushion?

What has happened to the front, the façade, the mask I used to don so quickly, so conveniently, so comfortably?

I used to answer the question, “how are you?” with “fine” . . . and really mean it.

But now I’m . . .

No longer immune.

Every breeze slams the thin skin of my heart with startling impact.

“Tenderness comes from pain.” The lyrics of this Sade song echoes through my whole being. I feel everything, deeply, extremely, painfully, joyfully, relentlessly.

What happened to “comfortably numb”? That comfortable numbness of living above the ground, in the clouds, removed from the toughness of life, isolated from the sorrow of others. Out of sight, out of mind, they say. And it works. We turn away and it no longer exists.

What no longer exists? Who have we turned away from? What have we lost in turning away from life, from people, from the raw reality that surrounds us?

Insulated, isolated, immune.

Then the gold is taken through the fire.

The dross of insulation, isolation, immunity is burn off as we are no longer able to turn away. That comfortable numbness can no longer be found.

I used to be strong. By strength, I meant insulated, isolated, and immune. Hidden away.

Now, in my weakness, I am strong. I can feel all of life. I can feel with full compassion and empathy.

No more hiding. No more protecting myself from life. Fully human, fully alive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What is it that you were given?

I mean from the loss.

After, what was taken.

That very thing you could never

live without.

The person or place;

the secret, or circumstance—

now that it is gone,

or has been found out,

and you can no longer call it foundation,

What is it that you were given?

You know, and I know, this:

There is a hollowing out.

Something comes and opens you up

right

down

the

middle

and from that moment on

you are no longer immune to this world.

You wake, you wander,

every familiar, now a foreign.

You walk as through water

until you make it back to your bed

and finally, even there—

your sheets; your own pillow’s scent different,

as if daily someone repaints your room, displaces something,

disturbs a cherished memento.

You see,

sometimes we are emptied.

We are emptied

because

Life wants us to know

much

more

Light.